Give our children the space to be who they are

"We are raised on comparison;
Our education is based on it;
So is our culture.
So we struggle to be someone other than who we are."
(J. Krishnamurti)

I worry about sending my kids to school. I worry for many reasons. The other night at dinner I asked them, “What did you learn today?” My pre-schooler told me that he learnt that the moon was made of rocks, which he picked up from God knows where, but he picked it up, which suitably impressed me. My school-aged son, who is in year 2, told me, “You know, I don’t really learn anything new at school.” Which kind of got me thinking, What is he getting from school? Is school a vehicle for knowledge or is it just dumbing kids down?

I’ve always been of the mindset that the main purpose of the modern education system is to produce a workforce; cogs in the wheel of society to keep it functioning; mice on a treadmill to maintain the status quo.

Pablo Picasso said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” How that quote tears at a parent’s heartstrings! And I have to ask myself, What role does formal education play in this loss of artistic expression and imagination?

It often feels as though I have to counter what my 7-year-old picks up at school with the truth, particularly when it comes to the question of peer pressure and the desire to appear ‘cool’. Why do second graders feel the need to be ‘cool’? And what is ‘cool’ anyway? We all went through it. Everyone wants to fit in at school, and so beliefs and self-perceptions are moulded around this insidious principle without realization, to the detriment of individuality and self-awareness.

“Mama,” he recently asked me, “what are girls’ germs?” Where does one start with such a question? And so I told him that I’m a girl and he likes me. His cousins are girls and he likes them. His grandma and his teta are girls and he likes them. Girls are people just like boys – what’s not to like? He pondered this for a minute before concluding that he would inform his friends of this fact. Which he did, and now most of them agree that ‘girls’ germs’ don’t actually exist. Just in the same way he suddenly mysteriously didn’t want to hold my hand when approaching school. “You know,” I told him, “most of the boys here love holding their mum’s hand. They just think that it’s not cool. But you should do what you want to do.” And now he holds my hand again.

He also doodles around the edges of his homework. But this is not considered ‘appropriate’. But why not? I like the doodling. I don't like the fact that I'm expected to tell him it's not 'appropriate'.

In grade 1 he got put in the remedial reading group. He’s always been an excellent reader, and when I prodded the teacher for an explanation, she confessed that he was put in this group to make up the numbers for government funding. Hmm. I guess because he has an ethnic-sounding name.

In grade 1, my nephew was chastised by his teacher for humming tunes at his desk because “It might disrupt the other children.” Very sad.

Let’s give our children the space to be who they are. Even in school.

Questions about Egypt: part 2

(10) How do Egyptian kids spend their free time?

Kids here have a LOT of homework, as I am discovering on a personal level. A lot of homework, a lot of books, a lot of notebooks, a lot of tests. And very heavy school bags. So they spend a lot of time studying and revising for tests! The national education system here in Egypt is not geared towards instilling children with a love of learning, but more towards learning by rote and passing exams. Not my cup of tea, but my kids are in school here primarily to solidify their Arabic, so fortunately it’s not something I need to take into account in the long term.

But I digress… kids and free time. From my own observations they play football (as in soccer, not rugby) in the local gardens, visit family, go to their sports club if they belong to one (very expensive to join so only the middle classes and up can afford them). Older kids will go to the malls and hang out with their friends. My kids like to ride their scooters, play football with the local kids and watch Tom and Jerry on TV (very exciting as we don’t have it in Australia, at least not that I’ve seen).

(11) Do Egyptians play sport and if so what?
They do, but not with the reckless abandon with which we throw ourselves into it in Australia. Although sport does seem to be increasing somewhat in popularity, it is difficult here because the culture is not geared towards exercise at all so you really have to make an effort.

There are a couple of cycling clubs and a running club that I know of here in Cairo that I had good intentions of participating in… but now realize that I was being foolishly over-ambitious.
As I mentioned, the middle-and-higher classes will often belong to a 'club' where they can play sports like tennis, squash, swimming, football and martial arts. But they are pretty exclusive and the average Egyptian would not be able to afford to join. There are also some youth clubs called markez shabab that are more affordable, maybe around 50 Egyptian pounds a year (about AU$10) but I don't know anything about the quality of them.

Walking is—while I would hesitate to use the word ‘popular’—certainly something that I have seen people, including many women, do.

Whether they play or not, most Egyptians are mad for football (soccer). And I mean MAD. It was actually suggested to me that I not have my son’s birthday party as planned, because there will be a big football match on that day and nobody will want to come to the party (but I am forging on with it regardless).

(12) Are there sports grounds for the boys to play on?

Not really, no. There are often gardens (or small parks) in the centre of the streets in residential areas where they can kick a ball around or climb a tree. But in terms of actual playing fields, you would have to go to a sports club. Egypt has not yet caught on to the concept of providing free community sports grounds.

(13) Do you play backgammon? Is that one of the common sights in Cairo? (I have this vision of little old men sitting outside their shops/houses playing.)
Backgammon here is called tawla and yes, I do play. Or, more correctly, I used to play. And very well, I might add. My very first visit to Cairo I learnt to play tawla really well. But playing with Egyptians can be a little annoying because if you don’t move your pieces fast enough, they will move them for you!

And you are right, it is a common sight to see men sitting in local coffee shops smoking shisha, drinking ahwa (strong Turkish-style coffee) and playing tawla. It’s one of the quintessential sights and smells of Egypt.

(14) What's the best time of day for you? And why?
It depends on the day. I like the evenings when I am at home with the door closed to the world. Which I know sounds a little contradictory, given that I have just said that I love Cairo… but anyone who has been here will understand what I mean. Cairo is amazing, and yet also requires (at least for a foreigner) 100% engagement just to get through the day, in terms of dealing with everything in another language, negotiating every little thing, battling the 'system' (and I use this term very loosely); even crossing the street. So, while maneuvering through the joys of Cairo, I also encounter many frustrations along the way — frustrations on which it is a relief to close my door at the end of the day.

(15) How much coffee are you drinking?
About the same as I would drink in Australia; just in the morning to rev up my engine. I don’t generally drink ahwa unless I am out in a coffee shop.

(16) Will you travel outside Egypt for holidays seeing as you're so close to so many other places?
There are so many places I want to visit that are so close to Egypt… and yet so far. Morocco is probably at the top of my list, along with Tunisia, Libya, Lebanon… I could go on, but am just frustrating myself. Unfortunately I may not be able to travel much as I have the boys in school here. But you never know, with swine flu mania at a peak, there is talk of the schools closing for December and January.

(17) What is something you will HAVE to bring home with you (apart from the boys of course!)
Alas, the things I want to bring back with me are the things I can’t bring back, and the things that keep my heart in Egypt. It’s the intangible things, like the sound of the call to prayer five times a day; practicing my Arabic with taxi drivers; watching my kids play and speak street Arabic with the local kids; the energy and atmosphere of Cairo; the incessant beeping of car horns (well, maybe not); the feeling of being completely alive.